The TeleWellness Hub Podcast

Reframing Addiction: A Personal Story of Compassion and Healing with DBT counselor & addiction specialist Maria Del Carmen Blanco Fernandez

• Martamaria Hamilton

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Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed by a loved one's addiction, unsure how to help or where to turn? Join me, Marta Hamilton, as I sit down with my aunt, Maria del Carmen Blanco Fernandez, a DBT counselor and author, to share her gripping and personal story of navigating her son's 70-hour psychotic episode triggered by marijuana. Maria's experiences highlight the transformative power of empathy, acceptance, and informed support, as she discusses the importance of recognizing addiction as a brain disease and the critical role family and professional help play in recovery.

Maria and I explore the misconceptions surrounding addiction, emphasizing the need to view it as an illness akin to cancer or diabetes, and the power of unconditional love and compassion. Maria's journey underscores the necessity of seeking professional help and the emotional impact of communicating in one's native language, particularly through her resources in Spanish. Together, we encourage listeners to let go of shame and guilt and advocate for the best possible treatment for their loved ones.

Don't miss this inspiring conversation—connect with Maria on social media and her website, Creciendo juntos for further support and resources.
https://www.creciendojuntos.online/

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Speaker 1:

Welcome, friends, to the Telewellness Hub podcast, a space where listening is not just a simple passive act, it's an act of self-care. I'm Martha Hamilton, your host today, and today you're going to be listening in with my chat with Maria del Carmen Blanco Fernandez. She happens to be my aunt, so I refer to her as my tia huera and you might hear me kind of slip into that during our conversation today. And maybe her referred to me as chiquis, which not many people know is my family nickname that everyone calls me. But the reason I asked her not just because she's a family member, but she truly is doing so much in bringing healing and transforming lives into the community. She's a DBT counselor, she's an author of the book my Son's Addiction Pain Transformation and Healing, and she currently works at a mental health rehabilitation center as a service coordinator. So thank you very much. Welcome, tia Huera. Slash. Maria, I'll call, I'll refer to you as that today, but welcome.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, chiquis. I love being here. I can't wait to be interviewed by yourself. So I love being here with you and yes, if it is okay for you, I will call you Chiquis. For me, it's a lovely way to call you, so, yeah, I will call you.

Speaker 1:

Chiquis, absolutely. It feels very natural and it's interesting because for me it's also an honor because we talk as family members. I'm very blessed to have a family, that there's a lot of love, and we saw each other. Recently at Christmas time I interviewed a grief specialist who helped me prior to that talk about grief with my grandfather. You were there for his passing, I mean, there's just and you were there and I saw you reading in the corner and we shared about transforming and the spirit, and so I'm very fortunate that we I've had the opportunity to have you in my family and to to share your wisdom in our group chats and different ways. And now it's really special because you know it's typically like a family gathering. I've never gotten to just sit with you and pick your brain on this for uninterrupted for you know, 20 minutes or so. So I'm very grateful and thank you very much. And now we get to hit record and share with the world. So I'm very grateful for this opportunity too.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Chiki. For me, it's really a great pleasure to be with you and to talk about this important topic with you and all the people that is going to listen to the podcast.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I'm very grateful because you know, as I mentioned, we're going to talk about addiction. Yes, I'm very grateful because you know, as I mentioned, we're going to talk about addiction. And so, before we dive into that and you know here we are speaking as people in the behavioral health field, but also family, and you know it's an important topic that not all families might want to talk about and I think it's hopefully those listening this kind of opens a door into having conversations that are important, that maybe need to be had. And before we dive into some of what your book is and the work that you're doing, could you please share with us why don't we start with? Why do you do this work that you?

Speaker 2:

do. Okay, one of the things that I needed to work with was that marijuana caused my son a psychotic episode for more than 70 hours. So that weekend for me was living like in hell. It was a roller coaster of emotions, fear, pain, don't know what to do. As a mother, I didn't know how to help my son. So I remember calling the next day that we, ricardo, went into a rehab center and the next day I was laying in the sofa crying and feeling all the pain, the shame, the fear, and I said I need to talk to someone. However, talking about addiction and talking about the psychotic episode that my son had for more than 70 hours, I didn't know who to talk and I finally was able to call a priest. That was also my friend and my spiritual mentor and he said I am going to give you a homework to do. It is very important and it is an inside work that you are going to do. I need you to transform that hell that you experienced in that weekend into a blessing. So I started to learn that in any adversity, in any problem that you are experiencing, in any pain, in any sickness, in any grief, you can learn a lot from that and you can transform that into a blessing. Why I am saying that? Because the blessing was that we discovered that our son was not using drugs. Our son was in a lot of pain and our son needed us. Our son needed someone to talk to, to be listened, to be loved, to be accepted as he is. So that's the transformation, that's the blessing that as parents, as an author, as a family, we need to transform something that was happening into the family. So, yes, that psychotic episode makes me to realize that we need to make a lot of changes in the family and that our son needed a lot of support from specialists.

Speaker 2:

Because addiction, regarding substance use, because addiction can. We all have addictive behaviors. But regarding substance use, there is a lot of myths, there is a lot of stigma, there is a lot of judgmental and persecution and so on, and it is not because it's kind of a behavior that at the moment, gives you a relief. However, it costs you a lot of pain and a lot of negative consequences. But the use of drugs the use of alcohol, tobacco, marijuana and other drugs can damage your brain. So if we learn about that, all the behaviors that our family member can have while using substances are the symptoms of an addiction, are the symptoms of a brain that is damaged, right? So if we learn that, we are going to look for support with the specialists.

Speaker 2:

So our son first was in a primary care clinic for 35 days and in those 35 days it was like a detox, because there are drugs that stay in your system for more than 35 days and there are drugs that are not in your system for so many days. So he was for 35 days in that primary clinic that, believe me, not knowing about addiction, I thought that in five days he was going to be okay and in five days we were going to be able to pick him up and to bring him home. When they told us that 35 days, I said, oh my God, 35 days, that's crazy. So we said, okay, we don't know about this, you are the specialist. And with covering our eyes because we didn't know anything about addiction, we say, here is our son, help us.

Speaker 2:

Then I just started to write a diary let's see how he's going to progress in his recovery. And it was about my own recovery as a mother, as a woman, as a wife, as a daughter, as a sister, as a person that needed to recover Many things that I experienced since I was born. Not to blame anyone, but we experienced a lot of things that we need to heal. So this, what happened to my son, put me in a healing path as well Emotionally, physically, mentally, you name it. So it was. That's when I discovered the blessing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and it all started, it sounds like too, because I'm picturing, like you say, as a mom, just picturing myself in that situation, not knowing what do I do, what's the next step, who do I call? How do we get help? And, like you mentioned when you did the covering your eyes, just going in with blind faith and trust in the specialist, it sounds like that initial conversation of how do I turn this hell into a blessing. I mean it really spread. I'm picturing, you know, like in the water, like one little drop, all the ripples it can have and lives that it can touch.

Speaker 1:

Because now, here we are, now I'm sure you've talked with a lot of people, so you started this journal. It turned into a book, but before we kind of go into that and we talk about the original thought being okay, I'm going to write this journal about his addiction, and then it turned into a transformation for me and my healing, my recovery, my own recovery as well, my own transformation. What do you think along the ways are the main misconceptions, or maybe like stigmas that you realized maybe you had about addiction, that your eyes were uncovered to or that maybe other people have about addiction?

Speaker 2:

Yes, For me, I need to work on my family is perfect, that it is not perfect. One thing. Two, well, what did I do as a mother, right? What did I do or what I didn't do that this happened?

Speaker 2:

Then, thinking that addiction only happens to certain people it can happen to you, it can happen to me. You never know. It is regarding emotional vulnerability, the susceptibility about your nervous system. You never know it, Right. So we need to understand that this part kind of a disease is like saying that some, certain people, just get cancer or certain people just get diabetes. So I need to learn that.

Speaker 2:

So that helps me a lot with the stigma. That it is because I picture the people that are living under the bridges, the people that are homeless, the people that are without family. But those people started as my son started. However, they didn't have the opportunity to recover, to go to a rehab center, to have a family that said we accept this and we need help, Right. So the stigma is that addiction even that is a disease that is considered a disease also there is. They need is love, empathy, compassion, understanding. And here I am. How can I support you? Not A, you are a junkie, you're a drug addict, those levels that the labeling labeling are only for cans, not for people. You're talking to your loved one, You're talking to your son. That is a beautiful person, that is a human being that deserves the best from you, that deserves the best from the treatment and deserves love and compassion. So let's talk about a person, your loved one, that needs support. What kind of support you can give him?

Speaker 1:

Unconditional love and understanding that, as a mother, I couldn't do anything.

Speaker 2:

It's the control, there's no control, there's no control. I'm not a specialist. At that moment I didn't know anything about addiction and we need someone to trust. If I trust in God, if I trust in the love of God, I need to understand that I need to trust other people to help us with this.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and that's not easy to do. It sounds easier said than done. What are some ways that you saw handing over trust to other people, to other specialists that were helping your son? How were there any kind of if you can think of any kind of certain circumstances or situations where it really led to something beautiful for a breakthrough, for healing? Just in case anyone's listening and they might, because substance abuse and addiction is very common and it's not talked about and which is also why I wanted to have this conversation common and it's not talked about, and which is also why I wanted to have this conversation You're the first person that specializes in recovery and addiction. I know you do DBT work, so there might be someone listening and know someone has a loved one, maybe themselves they're struggling and they don't know how to hand over that control or put in some trust. Are there any insight you might have, whether it's examples of things that you experienced or any recommendations of something beautiful, the blessing of that?

Speaker 2:

First, when I saw my son in the psychotic episode, I said to myself I can't do anything. So I called a friend, she's a therapist and she said well, yes, I am a therapist, but I am not specialized in addiction. Therapist but I am not specialized in addiction. So she says something very important to me you need to go to addiction specialist. One thing, second yes, we didn't know the clinic, we didn't know the people, but seeing how my son was, that could be. Seeing how my son was, that could be. Thank god he was in a psychotic episode, that he was looking for us. He was looking for support from us, even though he was in a psychotic episode.

Speaker 2:

But I've seen people with psychotic episodes that don't recognize you and that can be. They can start to have aggressive behaviors. I don't want to say that they are aggressive. I want to say they can start to have aggressive behaviors. So you can be in danger and they can be in danger. They can harm themselves and they can be in danger. They can harm themselves and they can harm you.

Speaker 2:

So the first thing that you need to do is to look for someone that can help you with that, because you probably are in danger and you know, one can be in danger because you don't know when they are in a psychotic episode, you don't know what they are going to do and they are conscious about that. So we need to learn that they are not conscious. They are not doing that on purpose, they are not aggressive towards you. They are aggressive because something is happening inside the brain. Aggressive because something is happening inside the brain.

Speaker 2:

So the blessing was that, knowing that I couldn't do anything for him and the love that I had for him was I need to let him go and to trust these people from the clinic and I said here is my son, I trust you and I have nothing else to do for him, just to love him. So the transformation was also to believe that, even that you are the parent, sometimes we cannot help them because we are not specialists. We just the only thing we can do is to love them, and love will take you to ask for the support that you need.

Speaker 1:

Lead by love yeah.

Speaker 2:

And don't, yes, yes, lead by love. And also, the thing that I learned regarding mental health and addiction and everything is that never take anything personal. We are talking about that. It's the brain that is not connecting. It's the person that is not totally connected. That is not there. The consciousness is not 100%.

Speaker 2:

So even that he's telling you things, he's behaving in a very different way. Just understand, that is not him. It's the disease, it's the diagnosis, it's the addiction, it's the drugs. So let's go and find for help, because we sometimes say, hey, you are behaving that way, get out, go to the streets, I don't want you here. So the streets is not going to help them, it's not a healing process. The streets are not going to help. Being in jail is going to damage more the person than to help help Right. And punishment is not, either, going to help. Punishment don't help anyone. It's not even an education. It doesn't have to be in an education way to punish people. There are other consequences that they can learn from the behaviors, but not punishment, not aggression. And yeah, that's what we need to understand. Okay, right now he's not conscious. Right now it is about the disease, it is about the diagnosis. We need support from specialists.

Speaker 1:

Yes, so, in all of that, being able to find the blessing and through love, I mean, it's interesting because I'm sure when someone might picture originally going through what you went through, like you mentioned, okay, I started writing down this book about his addiction and I'm hearing so much about internally what, what you went through, what your transformation was, what you learned, and I think it's very helpful to to give that um, to shine a light on that for those listening who may not understand or who may may be struggling also knowing how do I, how do I move forward with this. I'm sure it makes a a big difference in the work that you do now, now that you have been in this world of addiction for how long, how, how, how much time have you been studying addiction now?

Speaker 2:

More than eight years. Yeah, more than eight years. And especially well, how can I say it? There's a lot of misunderstanding regarding drugs. There's a lot of misunderstanding regarding alcohol that is legal, tobacco that is legal. Now, marijuana is legal in so many US states. Legalization is not that you have the permission to use the drug. Legalization is helping not to criminalize the person that is using it and if you are transporting the drug well, instead of taking you to Yale right or in front of a judge, you will receive the support from a rehab center. We need to understand legalization. Legalization doesn't mean that you have the permission to do the drug.

Speaker 1:

And abuse, just the way you mentioned it. Yeah, because alcohol you can go in and it's legally available.

Speaker 2:

Yes, probably. We are not addicts and we are not alcoholics. Drinking alcohol, smoking, we are using drugs. It's a drug. We need to understand that. So what I want to say is that if you see a teenager, just let him know that. Don't do that. It will damage your brain. Your brain is not totally developed, so it will damage your brain. It will cause you a lot of problems when you are older. Even it's going to cause you a problem right now, and you don't need that alcohol in order to enjoy life. That that's the thing we we need to learn that we don't need drugs to enjoy life.

Speaker 2:

Now I understand that when you become an addict and to start to using drugs, it's because your system started to say, hey, I need that because your pain that you have is helping me. So we are using as a pain killer, emotional pain killer. So the person needs love, compassion, empathy, right, something happened or something is happening that needs that pain relief. And let's stop saying that they are hiding. They are hiding for reality. They just want to be outside the world and don't be at the present moment. No, no, no, no, no, no. They are in a lot of pain, are in a lot of pain. So be compassionate and say, okay, I am here for you. I understand that you are probably in pain here. I am right, and let's find support for us and don't be judgmental. Stop using that. That thing is causing you a problem, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 1:

Well, I'm so grateful that you were willing to talk with me about this. I feel like there is so much insight and value because it comes from the heart, and now it's very clear. It comes from a heart, a passion, a love, along with the education and the time that you've put in and you've done the work for yourself too. You've done the work so you can relate, but you also have a heart and you leave from the heart and really I am grateful you have been here to be a blessing to people. Hopefully someone's listening and this is that blessing that you received from your call for them on their journey. I will put in the show notes, for anyone curious, some links to her, like the book to my I was going to say Tia Huera's book, to Maria's book. But how? What is the best way for people to connect with you?

Speaker 2:

Well, I have Facebook page that is all the same as the title of the book La Adicción de Mi Hijo Dolor, transformación y Sanación. I also have an Instagram profile and I have a webpage that is called Creciendo Juntosonline.

Speaker 1:

And you know, I really something I didn't highlight that I think is really important is that I think it's really important that you have these services available in Spanish, because I think, as someone who works in the mental health field, like your friend who says, well, I work in this field but I'm not an addiction specialist I am not an addiction specialist, but I worked with a lot of Spanish speaking people and I could not, for, you know, I remember having a very hard time knowing how can I get them help with someone who can speak the language, because it's such an emotional experience that you want to be able to speak in your language. So I love that you also offer insight and the ability to connect in Spanish something I did not highlight and even for other providers listening if there's providers listening as just a resource of someone to connect with and learn more from and, you know, in terms of referrals and different things, it's wonderful that you're available for that. So thank you so much for being a part of our wellness journey.

Speaker 2:

Thank you and thank you for this opportunity. I really appreciate this because addiction is a big problem. It's a problem that has been there for thousands of years, because drugs exist all the time and we hide, we are shame, we are, we feel guilt and we, we don't need to feel that. We, we need to look for support, we need love, we need acceptance and, yeah, we, we need the best treatment that we deserve, because recovery in addiction is possible.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I love that recovery in addiction is possible. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Tiki's Thank you so much.